sighhh..... ):

i saw him again today...

i know this is lame.. but i was waiting all day to meet up with him just so i can give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug.... we met up at our usual spot.. he was in such a hurry but looked really happy for some reason which made me smile a lot.. then he gave me my money and drove off quick.. i got really sad because i was hoping we could have talked for a bit cause i had so much to tell him... while i was sitting in my car alone i had remember i had something really important to tell him.. so i called him and texted him and finally he texted me back and said he will come outside of his house so i can tell him the good news.. i was soo excited to see him again even if we didnt see eachother for just a couple of minutes...when i told him the good news he was soo happy.. i havnt seen him that happy in sooo long and it made me really happpy... he gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek then a kiss on the lips... i was soo happy about everything that i started to cry when i left...

i know that kiss didnt mean much just a friendly kiss but half of me wished he didnt do that and the other half was soo happy that he did... it had made me really confuse about everything.. but i know i shouldnt take it the wrong way.. i was waiting all weekend hoping that i would get a kiss from him and i really did.. but i was actually really sad about it at the end.. because knowing i wont be able to kiss him anymore made it extremely sad...

im really hoping not seeing him or talking to him for awhile is gonna help me get better... i still miss him soo much.. my heart still aches soo much thinking about him... because i still have love for him in my heart... well i really hope he will have a good time this winter break,,, im going to miss him a lot because i cant talk to him...

finally

things are slowly getting better for me.. im finally crying less..but doesnt mean ive stopped

Today i thought i would be really sad to see him again.. but going to watch new moon with him was pretty fun.... felt like old times.. but he didnt act like it... it was untill after the movies he put his arms around me cause i was cold gave me a tight hug and a piggy back ride back to the car.. it felt like old times and i really missed it... but i know things would never be that way anymore .. but felt really good to finally feel that again... it really made me happy.. but a bit sad knowing we will never be anymore... he said this would be the last time we'll see eachother for awhile cause he'll be gone on vacation.. maybe this would be good for me.. but i know im starting to get better because after a good long hug i didnt cry while driving away.. even though im crying just writing this blog.. i know things will eventually get better for me.. i wish him luck with everything and hope we will still be friends once he comes back from vacation.. because i feel as if hes gonna forget about me when he leaves to vacation because we will have no contact at all for a long time.. i really hope i will get even better sooner.. but im glad im FINALLY not so torn about things... as much as i miss him.. i understand things will change and we will never be as close anymore... i just hope he would never forget about me.. ill always love him even if we are just friends...

MARIO - HOW COULD YOU

FUCK THIS

WHY CANT I JUST FUCKING GET OVER HIM..
WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO LET HIM GO..
WHY DO I STILL LOVE HIM AFTER ALL THAT HES DONE..

i cant stand this anymore... i hate him so much but i still love him..IT FUCKING HURTS SO MUCH SEEING HIM KISS ANOTHER GIRL..


I WANT TO FUCKING MOVE ON ALREADY.. BUT ITS SO HARD..


will i ever find someone better...



FUCK ALL THIS! IM TIRED OF CRYING